out of place

I feel odd...
I feel weird...
what should I do?

誰もし知ります。。。
誰も知りたい。。。

Relationship

*Continuation from previous post*

I think both wont be happy cause both are so full of themselves... they forgotten the people around them or themselves... one live all by himself leaving his friends and family... the other thinks too much of his friends and family and ignore himself... it shouldn't be this way... there's a saying: too much of a good thing is bad... everything should be in average... like Person C...

Person C: A selfless person that sometimes are selfish too... he do stuff depending on what he is doing and put either himself or others as first priority... when a friend ask for help, he would help if he is capable of it... and whether he is in the condition to do so...

Relationship among humans are tough... you can't read the mind of what the other is thinking about... and you won't know what will the other do or react... all you could do is be yourself... stay firm... you can't control what others say or do... but you could control how you react to it... being selfless is not the best way... sometimes, you should be selfish too... depending on the situation and condition you're in...

Friendship, love, define it anyway you want... but some people just don't get it... friendship they will think is among friends... love, they will think is among lovers... friendship and love could be the same... it could be define is many way... friendship among friends, friendship among families, love among lovers, love among friends, love among families and so on...

'I miss you', 'I like you', 'I love you'... normally when you see or hear that, you will think of lovers... but actually you could use it to anyone... to a friend that you din see for a long time: I miss you... to a very best friend that understands you: I live you... to family members cause you'll be going far away: I love you... you could use it any where...

Well, most people have the wrong concept or idea or whatever you call it... but this can't be blame... cause we are in a multicultural country... and the custom here is different... people here are not that open minded as it is in other countries...

Not sure what's the point of me posting this... kinda emo recently... too much to think... and exams just around the corner...

haih~

Who is happier?

Person A: A totally selfish jerk that only thinks of himself... no matter what he do, he put himself as first priority... he don't care what others think... as long as he get what he wants... when a friend ask for help, he will consider for awhile thinking of his condition... or he would just reject it without thinking cause he just don't feel like helping...

Person B: A totally selfless person that no matter what he do he always think of others first before himself... he always consider others feeling and put his aside... when a friend ask for help, he would surely say yes as long as he is capable of it without thinking twice...

*The above does not particularly convey to anyone or anyone that I know*

So, who is happier?

My coursework marks sux...
a week more to go...
I'm doomed...

Calm before the Storm

Finally I finish all my assignments... today is my final assignment of the trimester... can relax dy... hahaha... basically this were suppose to be study week... most of the assignments were suppose to be passed up last Friday... but we ask the lecturer to extend to today... other course mates have finished with theirs... they're already relaxing for days dy... while I still struggling on my last assignment... now that it is done... I can enjoy my litle break before starting my revision for the finals...

Basically, if this week is included... I have 3 weeks of break before my finals... it's equavalent to my trimester break dy.... hahaha... this is due to the extra week for the raya... final exam start on the 6th of October... but my first paper is on the 13th... hahaha... but my last paper is on the 18th, last day of finals... so I might as well enjoy it till the end of this week...

After the finals, we have only a week or so of break... then we'll be starting our internshp dy... hmm.... the working environment sounds kinda fun and challenging... but there are some worries too... what if this and what if that... but I try not to thnk much of it... what may be will be... it's kinda sad thinking of all that... especially after the finals... it means I won see my friends for 3 months or so... every meeting has an end... that's what people say... after the training, we'll meet again in campus... for we'll be having our last trimester before we graduate... and thinking what is beyond that... it's kinda scary at times... so lets not go there now...

Well, I do hope we'll have more time to hang out together and doing stuff... but at this moment of time... most people are in study mode... they dont have any mood to hang around... susah susah dulu, senang senang kemudian... but sometimes, we should senang senang dulu, susah susah kemudian... but if you organized your time properly... you could senang senang dulu, senang senang kemudian... if something goes wrong... you'll end up susah susah dulu, susah susah kemudian... hahaha... what the heck am I talking about you might ask... I also dont know... basically, just do what you like to do and enjoy life... but dont forget the importand thing you should do too...

Well, I starting to talk crape dy... so I should go... typing off... and enjoy your break or study weeks or whatever you call it... dont too stress youself kay...

ぼくたちのきょりはとおいな...

Lifeless

Today is the last day of FYP presentation... went to some friends' presentation... when you look at their presentation and their demo... it feels like mine is like nothing... theirs is like hardware stuff, detectors, simulation, etc... mine is just words and pictures... nothing else... haih~

Been feeling kinda weird recently... especially after my presentation... is like it had taken the life force out of me... feel so tired although I had enough of sleep... don't have the mood to do anything at all... I still have class for next week... some of my friends had finish all their lectures... so nice... while I still have lectures for a week due to the lecturer keep postponing or canceling class... still have 2 more assignments to pass up... both on next Friday... one of them have presentation but the other I'm not quite sure... both are group assignments...

My sister and brother coming back tomorrow... cause this Sunday is Mooncake Festival... gonna discuss some stuff about my training too... I got a reply from the company I sent my resume to... they're asking for an interview next Monday... so I'll be following them back to KL... my parent going up too of course... most probably coming back on Tuesday since the interview is at 3pm...hopefully they won't ask me some difficult questions... wish me luck kay...

Been craving for sweet stuff recently especially chocolates... I don't know why... suddenly just have the urge to have sweet stuffs... something is wrong with me... chocolate anyone? I mean, anyone have chocolate?

きみはしっていますか？

Like A Dream

Today everthing just happened as though it's a dream... I woke up around 10am and receive a call from Poingee that he might be reaching my house around 1pm... he coming to take some of his stuff back... so I had breakfast and wasted my time while waiting for him... around 12.45am I called him and he say he about to ready... and he said CC might follow him to my house... so I bath and get ready too...

They reached around 1.30pm or so... and have lunch at my house... my parent had went out before they came... so after lunch Poingee ask me some stuff about his new lappy... and then we went out lepak at mp... mp was so packed with people... but luckily we found a parking near to the staircase... we walk around like no body business... went into a shop, look around, and came out... Poingee wanted to buy jigsaw puzzle but dont have the one he wanted...

So after lepak a while went over to Dataran... also quite pack with people... went in the main entrance only and we say 'teletubbies' dancing around... quite a number of people was watching... kids enjoyed it... it's the school holidays... so there're all this kid stuff happening at mp and dataran... also window shop a while and then we went back around 4.30pm...

They hang out at my house a while... Poingee copy some stuff from me... while CC fell asleep... they went back around 5.30pm... and as soon as they leave... my mind is as blank or empty as a piece of paper... I was thinking did that just happened? what just happened? it's like a dream...

Too much is in my mind now... I dont know what to think or what to do... what am I suppose to do... what am I gonna do... what will I be doing... what am i doing... problems after problems seem to keep popping up... my phone since yesterday night cant call and receive calls... restarted it like a million times... and done everything I could... still hopeless... why does everything always went wrong for me? why cant it all go well for once? my liife sux...

Wake me up...
なくなく...

Winter Sleep

I've uploaded this song long time ago but didn't really put up the lyrics... so now here it is... I really like this song a lot... the lyrics really gets to me... it almost say out what my feelings are... hope you understand how I feel...

Olivia - Winter Sleep
It keeps coming back to me
I remember this pain
It spreads across my eyes
Everything is dull

Everyone's smiling, they're smiling
It pushes me far far away
I can't understand
Everything is blur

Can you hear me out there?

Will you hold me now, hold me now
My frozen heart
I'm gazing from the distance and
I feel everything pass through me
I can't be alone right now
Will you hold me now, hold me now
My frozen heart
I'm lost in a deep winter sleep
I can't seem to find my way out alone
Can you wake me

I know when I let it in
It hides love from this moment
So I guard it close
I watch the moves it makes

But it gets me, but it gets me
I wish I could understand how I
Could make it disappear, make it disappear

Anyone out there hear me now?

Will you hold me now, hold me now
My frozen heart
Kiss my lips
and maybe you can take me to your world for now
I can't be alone right now
Will you hold me now, hold me now
My frozen heart
Please make it all go away
Am I ever gonna feel myself again?
I hope I will

Will you hold me now, hold me now
My frozen heart
I'm gazing from the distance and
I feel everything pass through me
I can't be alone right now
Will you hold me now, hold me now
My frozen heart
I'm lost in a deep winter sleep
I can't seem to find my way out alone
Can you wake me

Sorry...
Maaf...
对不起...
ごめんなさい...

trigger

So long din post dy... is not that I don't want to post... but is because I don't have anything to post about... my life seems so bored right now... recently nothing much happened around me... everything is just normal... maybe not normal... should say that it's dull... colourless...

This trimester I feel so lazy about everything... maybe is due to only 1 subject this trimester... I have a lot of free time... 2 hours class every Monday to Thursday... but usually ends early or was canceled... the lecturer likes to cancel class a lot...

It makes me think about life... what does life really meant for... is it everyone was born and then grew up... went to school and further their education... graduate and then find a job... find your soul mate and get married... starts a family and have child... get old and die... is that what life's about?

What about one's dreams... fantasies... hopes... and wants... how many of us that really had their's came true... is it because we didn't try hard enough... or is it because we don't have the luck... or maybe we are not the chosen one... that's funny... I thought we decide our own fate... our own life... is it?

Friendship... love... do I have it... part of me say yes... part of me say no... it's confusing... when you thought you found your best friends... but after knowing them... it's a different story... you put everything in them... but what you get is betrayal... secrets will remain secrets...

Why am I thinking all of this... I have no idea... maybe because too much dramas... animes... stress... lonely... crazy... or maybe something else... or simply my life now is just too bored...

I don't believes anyone...
because I don't even believe in me...
I don't trust anyone...
because I don't even trust me...

Keep On

I couldn't sleep and nothing to do... so I thought of writing this post... this post was suppose to be my 100th post with the title:"The 100th Post"... but as you can see on my archive it's more then 100 already... I totally lost track of it due to the cookies post recently... and now when there is no more new cookies post and nothing to post about... it just came to me...

As most of you probably know that this blog is not my first blog... my first blog is friendster blog... at that time I doesn't even know what a blog is and its existence... but after trying it out and looking at my friends blog... I started to enjoy writing it... the question is, why I blog? as you read my blog you will know that i blog to tell about my life and experience in life... but most importantly, is like a diary to me... and to express my opinions, thoughts, and feelings.... cause I'm a shy guy that doesn't really tell people how or what I feel... and I'm not very good with word when speaking... the right words just doesn't come to my mind... but my writing is okay... thats the reasons...

Well, literature to me is an art... I don't hate it nor love it... everyone have their own style of writing... whether its a good or a bad one... everyone have different views too... in the past years or months... depend on how long I started blogging... there is a drastic change in my writing style... or maybe drastic is too huge to be use... but never mind... one of the changes you could see is that, from the past few months.... I stop using the 'SMS style' of typing and instead I'm typing it with full spelling now... why the sudden change?... its because I was at an anime forum asking people about a certain anime... and at that time... because I'm used to "SMS style' of typing... without thinking, I ask using that... although its just a short sentence... less then 20 words perhaps... people reply saying that its a hell to read what I'm typing... and someone reply with:"it is a respect for others by using the actual spelling"... when I saw that... I quickly change what I wrote and even apologise...

Due to that, that I started using full spelling in my blog... cause what you write and understand doesn't mean that others will understand too... although you say only your friends reading your blog... they are used to it... but how do you know?... and maybe your friend's friend visit your blog out of curiosity or other reasons... will they continue reading after a hard time just to read the first sentence?... I don't think so... even it's me... some times when reading my friend's blog... although I'm used to their style of writing... some of the sentences or words are 'weird' to me... I'm not trying to criticize anyone... its just my point of view... you could just ignore it... cause I stated before that everyone have their own way of writing so on...

Since I started to blog... I've posted quite a few didn't I... some are silly or stupid stuffs... some are funny stuff... some are happy stuff... and even sad and stressful stuff... but how many people out there are reading what I'm writing?... and what about my friends?... how many are there... knowing this, some times makes me sad... in a week, how many people visited and actually read what I wrote?... but it also depends on how recent do I post actually... I did put a state counter in my blog for a few months not long ago... but I stop after seeing the same result repeating itself again and again... for a few months... the result is an average of three people visited daily... maybe less and maybe more... knowing that, some times I have the feeling to stop blogging... but I din not... I still keep on until this day... not because of anyone or anything... but because of myself... my memories... cause I can't remember all the things i done in my whole life... some times even what happened last week I can't even remember... that's why blogging is like a diary to me... about my life... my experience...

As stated... my first blog is friendster blog... I don't even know if it still exist or not... the main reason I changed to blogger because it doesn't support HTML editing... and since then, I learn a new skill too... which is HTML... but I wanna thanks friendster for introducing me to the world of blogging... if not, this blog here doesn't even exist... over the pass months... I've been changing my layout over and over again according to the celebration or just cause I wanted to... I doesn't have any main layout yet... and mayb I'll stick to this one for now and only change according to the celebration... after the celebration, I'll changed back... thats what I planned... I wanted to stick to a background colour and just change the banner... like everyone else is doing... but I'm suck at banner designing... so I rather change everything...

I think that is all I got to say... no matter what happen... this blog will still be alive... even if I'm the only one visiting my blog... and thanks to those that keep coming back especially my friends... CHEERS....

A weird feeling...