Christmas confession

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

This post was not planned... recently, I am lost again... it's been months since I last blog... work been piling up... it feels like I was put on the spotlight.. extra work have been kinda frustrating too... which I brought it to myself.. thought it will get me off my mind... seems like is the other way around... emotions of the heart still a big issue... I feel lost and lonely and everything in between... I do not know what to do..

It's been more than five months since that day... that day that I made everything worst and awkward... I thought I could handle and coupe with it... but I guess it is too much for me.. it still hurt each time I think about it... but if you ask me whether I regret it... I would say no.. past couple of weeks, things are starting to get not so awkward anymore... but sometimes it still does... because I wish for more... I hunger for more... I controlled my feelings and emotions inside... but I could not control other people's... but when I am alone.. the emotions eat me inside... little by little... I hate the feelings and emotions I feel... I cant breathe.. it's suffocating me... but I could not do anything...

There have been millions or billions of 'if' that been crossing my mind... but I do not have the courage to make it real... I scared it will make things worst... so all the thoughts will just be kept in my mind... and it is driving me crazy sometimes... but I could not do anything... all I could do is wait... and wait... and wait..

Christmas day...

Just another day to me...